Part I

He lowered his guard, but he shouldn't have. It was always better to have the wall up. That's what his father told him. That's what his friends told him. Hell, that's what all those stupid magazines he wasted all his time on and don't worry mum they're all trash and I don't believe a word they say yea right but right now they were right all along, weren't they? His old man, his friends and his stupid magazines.

When did he begin to take the wall apart brick by brick? He can't quite place when but he remembers when the light first broke in. The first couple of beams were so shy, coyly peeking through to see if the coast was clear, but they weren't too careful, awakening in a sleepy glow specks of dust that hadn't known their own shadows in years. Once they were sure though, the rest broke relentlessly into the territory of the unlit. He had to reacquaint himself with long forgotten warmth. When was the last time...?

(tbc)

ok bitches

I'll make this real quick for the benefit of those who actually read this space to find out how their dear old friend is doing. we'll do a real quick Top Ten events of the past two weeks:

(drumroll please)

10. I have not gotten shit-faced in the last two weekends. (okay that one saturday I wasn't really drunk. Sleazy, yes. Drunk, no. Fair?)

9. I have gone back to the office for two weekends consecutively. Don't get me wrong. This is no badge of honour. I abhor working on the weekends.

8. I have finished The Corrections. It took me a while, but I've done it! First real book since I started work. That would mean...five months. Might be a record. But it's a wickedly fine book, so read it!

7. I am an old man's personal slave/bitch/dog/'liason officer' for five whole days. Yes, I am getting paid for it.

6. I'm falling out of my running routine. Have run only twice in last two weeks, and swam once. Let's not even get started about the tan. Another week and I'm gonna look like Darth Vader without his mask.

5. I find out that all the preparation I worked painstakingly hard on for some really important guy's meeting with another really important dude that turned out to be a 'hey how's it going' idle chitchat bullshit conversation by the vending machine between the two super-important-dickheads. oh and they only talked for 2 minutes.

4. I have been rediscovering the pain of public transport. (For reason, please refer to no.2) Sat opposite terribly chatty ugly woman who rattled away non-stop at terribly uninterested ugly man in the train tonight. The real world is too harsh. I need my TV and all my beautiful TV-people in their beautiful TV-world.

3. I hang out with Murayama Yoshi. My sleazy buck-toothed Japanese friend from college days tells me he is now dating a nurse (D-Cup, he says) whom he's getting engaged to next year, AND a 20yr old college student (E-cup, he assures me ever-so-proudly) at the same time. I point out that a)he's 27 and he really shouldn't be cheating little girls; b) cup sizes don't make for exceptions.

2. I survive my second car accident in two months.

1. It's complicated. (Actually it's not.)