Anality now!!

I did it again today. Yet another stupid mistake at work. I actually CHECKED. I did, and I didn't see the mistake. If there's one thing worse than making a careless mistake, it's making one when you consciously tried not to make one.

Self-doubt.

It creeps in when you're not looking. When I woke up this morning, I felt pretty good about myself. An hour later, I'm in a waking nightmare. One stupid mistake, fine. Two, you're careless, you should watch it. Three. Four. Five. Six. I've lost count. I'm pretty sure my boss has too. Credibility lost. I'm an idiot. He thinks I'm an idiot. I think he thinks I'm an idiot. Same difference. It all adds up to the same thing:

Self-doubt.

It's a battle I've fought for the better part of these almost-25 years. Confidence versus doubt. Every conscious deep breath taken to steady the drumming of heart against chest. Every conscious decision to not tear away at my fingernails. Every time I've told myself I could do it and taken a leap of faith. So easily undone, apparently.

What does it take to acquire a meticulous eye? I never thought I'll say this, but what can I do for a little anality? Stuff it up, please, if you know what I mean. If I'm going to survive (let's not even talk about thriving), I'm going to need it.